It's a hard thing when you're faced with your own mortality. At work today I actually spoke words that I thought I would never speak. Discussing, with a coworker, about health issues of family members. Her elderly father and my beloved husband were the main topic of discussion most of the morning. While waiting for the results of Michael's ulrasound of the TIPSS procedure that was done a few weeks ago, God challenged me. Do I trust Him no matter the outcome? Do I continue to speak life, no matter the outcome?
I was extremely surprised when Louise and I were sharing stories about the men in our lives and she asked me what I would do if Michael didn't make it through all of his health issues and God would take him home? I thought I would burst out in tears and rant and rave but a strange peace came over me and I spoke the words that God placed on my heart. "God's will is always meant for good and not evil. His thoughts towards me are for great things. What ever He decides, He will give me the strength and wisdom to handle it." Was that me speaking? I knew it was God and not me. I probably would've cursed and spoke something negative a decade ago, but God wouldn't allow it and I actually let Him speak through me. Not only to encourage Louise, but to encourage me, too.
I definitely DO NOT want to see my precious Man-of-God lose his battle with liver disease, but I've come to grips that one day we will all face our Maker whether we like it, or not. Through all of the lack of sleep, stress, tiredness and craziness because of the many trials we have gone through as a family, I've learned that God is my only hope. The Joy of the LORD is my strength. Those words mean more to me now than ever.
I don't want to face life, sickness and death with such negativity as to embarrass and not please my precious LORD. It's time for bed, now. I will continue more at a later date.........
